


everything you own (in a little black case)

by aspartaeme



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-19
Updated: 2019-11-19
Packaged: 2021-02-12 22:34:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21483925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aspartaeme/pseuds/aspartaeme
Summary: The song is crooningrun away, turn away, and Billy used to be in San Diego, near oceans of water, of people, and it didn’t mean anything, not back there, where Billy was a drop in it, the ocean of water, the ocean of people, but Billy’s in Hawkins, and people here are more Neil, less Billy, and Steve Harrington’s looking at him, andrun awayis the only thing that’s ever made sense.
Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington
Comments: 14
Kudos: 161





	everything you own (in a little black case)

**Author's Note:**

> i was listening to smalltown boy, and thinking about how billy was still in cali when it was released, and it didn't really apply to him, not until he got uprooted and forced to move where it _would_, and i made myself sad, so. i had to share that with the world

Billy's nine years old. 

He's nine years old, and he wakes up to a house that smells like the ocean, to his mom moving around, dustpan in hand, dress flowing around her, to the radio crooning _choose your road, just don't doubt it_, and _take me by the hand, we'll leave this troubled land_, and Billy's nine years old, and Neil's at work, which means he's not home, he's not _here_, and. 

Billy's mom takes him in her arms, starts spinning them around, singing, singing, _let’s leave today, let's get away_, and they're both laughing, howling, free and safe and here, and she whispers _let's go away, baby, you ’n’ me, just me ’n’ you, far away from here_, and Billy laughs, because Neil isn't here, and _far away_ sounds good, so _good_, and. 

The song is over, and maybe it was never on, and Billy's mom lowers him to the floor, and nine year old boys can walk by themselves, nine year old boys don't, _shouldn’t_ need their mommas, and she isn't smiling anymore, isn't talking about _away from here_, and Billy doesn't believe in fairytales, hasn't, not since Neil's hand first met his son’s cheek, and he still thinks there's a spell broken around them. 

— 

Billy's ten years old. 

He's ten years old, and he wakes up to an empty house, silent and cold and gray, and he gets up, turns the radio on, and there's this song, a song he hasn't heard for months, hasn't _wanted_ to, _try to resist all the bad things around you_, and Billy _is_, has been for years, has been for the past seven months, ever since _just you ’n’ me_ became something less, started meaning _just me_, ever since Billy woke up and his mom’s brush was gone, and her white dress was gone, and _she_ \- 

He turns the radio off. 

— 

Billy's fourteen. 

He's fourteen, and his lip is split, and his back is getting reacquainted with the bookshelves in his room, the ones made to hold books he's not allowed to have, not allowed to want to read, and his dad’s fingers are wrapped around his throat. 

The radio’s on, because Susan's in the kitchen, and she's making dinner, and the noises Billy makes are _impolite_, are _disrespectful_, are _rude_, but Billy keeps making them, so the radio _has_ to be on, _it’s the terror of knowing what the world is about_, and Billy wants to laugh, wants to cry, wants to scream, isn't really allowed to do any of that, so. 

He closes his eyes, and listens to the voices, _why can't we give love one more chance_, and waits for it to be over. 

— 

Billy's seventeen. 

He's seventeen, and he's young, and stupid, and really high, and his lips are locked on Ty’s, and the ocean’s crashing in waves around them. 

They're standing under the peer, wrapped around each other, and Ty’s brought a radio, _to set the mood_, because he's stupid like that, and thinks this means something, thinks this _could_ ever mean something, and Billy lets him, because a pair of lips is a pair of lips, and Ty's got a pretty one at that, and that has always been Billy's downfall. 

The radio’s hissing, trying to be heard over the ocean's fierceness, _you leave in the morning with everything you own in a little black case_, and Billy's in San Diego, and San Diego's full of people, people like Neil, but people like Billy, too, and the song doesn't mean anything, not really, not here, and there's a boy in his arms, and waves at his feet, and salt in his hair, and. 

Ty licks into his mouth, and Billy doesn't pay attention to the song anymore. 

— 

Billy's seventeen. 

He's seventeen, and San Diego’s on the other side of the country, and Steve Harrington’s on the other side of the Hawkins High parking lot, and it might as well be the same, and then Max, Max reaches out, turns the radio on, settles on a song, familiar for a reason Billy can’t pinpoint, and _pushed around and kicked around, always a lonely boy_, and Billy’s in Hawkins, arm still angled weirdly, fresh out of the cast, a necklace around his neck that used to mean _you ’n’ i_, but now it means _still here_, and _help_, and _always alone_, and Steve Harrington’s looking at him across the lot, their cars, the sea of people, and. 

Billy understands. 

The song is crooning _run away, turn away_, and Billy used to be in San Diego, near oceans of water, of people, and it didn’t mean anything, not back there, where Billy was a drop in it, the ocean of water, the ocean of people, but Billy’s in Hawkins, and people here are more Neil, less Billy, and Steve Harrington’s looking at him, and _run away_ is the only thing that’s ever made sense. 

— 

Billy's seventeen. 

He's seventeen, and he's known how Steve's face feels against his fists for months, and he's only known how Steve's lips feel against his own for a minute, and he already knows which one he wants to forget, which one he needs to remember. 

Billy’s in Steve's car, and Steve's supposed to be driving, supposed to be behind the wheel, and maybe he _is_, in every other way, because the car isn't moving, because Steve's in Billy's lap, and his hands are in Billy's hair, and his lips are on Billy's brows, on his cheeks, on his mouth, and. 

The radio is tuned to the one functioning station in this nowhere of a place, the one Steve loves, the one Billy'll probably be driven to suicide by, and it’s a new release, has been playing in repeat for weeks now, _cry boy, cry_, and Billy's still in Hawkins, still not in San Diego, where this song doesn't matter, doesn't mean anything, and Steve Harrington in his arms doesn't change that, _can't_, and Steve breathes _Billy, baby_, in Billy's mouth the same moment the tinny voice cries _run away_, and. 

Billy does. 

— 

Billy's seventeen. 

He seventeen, and he's long lost count of the times Steve's lips have found his, and he's not happy, because people like Billy don't get to be, but - 

It's a close call. 

They're lying in bed, Steve's bed, the one Billy has a _side_ on, _his and his_, even though Neil's house is on Cherry Lane, and that means Billy's is, too, except it's not, hasn't been for a long time, maybe since the moment Steve caught Billy's gaze and _kept it_, and Billy's wrapped in Steve's arms, and his sweat, and his - 

His - 

The radio's on, and it's the same song that's been taunting Billy for months, _remember where you are, you're a smalltown boy now_, and _run away, turn away_ is a loop in Billy's mind, in Billy's life, and. 

Steve tightens his arms, brings their bodies impossibly closer, coalescing into one another, says, _Billy_, and _sweetheart_, and _stay_, and the song is just a song, distant and cold and far away, asks Billy to _turn away_, except Steve asked first, and _stay_ means a lot of things, but it doesn't mean _run_, so. 

Billy stays. 

— 

Billy's eighteen. 

He's eighteen, and a couple hundred miles away from Hawkins, on his way to San Diego, _back home_, not a smalltown boy, not anymore, not ever again, and Steve's right there, right next to Billy, smiling at him from the passenger seat of the Camaro, and he's just a touch away, which is one touch too many, so. 

Billy reaches out, grabs Steve's hand, brings it to his mouth, kisses the middle of his palm, leaves a couple of words there, like a secret, the same ones he's planning on saying, finally, as soon as he hears the ocean crashing around him again, and Steve laughs, and laughs, and Billy thinks maybe the ocean isn't his favorite sound anymore, hasn't been for a while, and. 

He turns the radio on, and _run boy, run _follows him, a joke, a jab, a reminder, _look how far you've come_, and Steve looks at him, the same way Billy's been looking back, and. 

The voice sings _run away, run away, run away_, and. 

They do. 

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](https://aspartaeme.tumblr.com/)


End file.
